Monday, July 30, 2007

I knit

Therefore I am.

I have been knitting for just over three years. It has changed my life. I learned how to knit at the Knit Out in Washington DC and started knitting when Bill became ill. I picked up the needles and never put them down. I walked into the Yarn Barn and started a stash and a friendship, both of which continue to grow. I knitted while waiting for the doctors, for the tests, for the test results. I knitted as I learned there was no cure for Bill's dementia, that they didn't know exactly what it was, that they didn't know what caused it, and that they didn't know how to treat it. I knitted as I learned his brain was dying, but I didn't know why, nor how long it would take, nor how fast.

I knitted scarves. I knitted socks. And vests. And sweaters. For me, for him, for friends. I knitted.

Knitting brought me joy, solace, peace. Knitting brought me comfort and peace. Knitting kept me sane.

For three years I knitted as I tended to a dying husband. Until finally he was ready to go. His tired brain had had enough.

I put down my needles.

I told him it was okay for him to go. I told him I would be okay. I told him not to worry. I told him I would carry on.

I told him I would knit on.

I knit; therefore, I am.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months and enjoying each post.

I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. And I do hope that knitting will be a way for you to start to heal and hopefully help you to learn to live without your Bill. Thank goodness for our memories.

Bless you!

Robin C

Ann said...

Grace is the word that comes to my mind as I read your words. How very lovely your writing is. I hope it brings you as much peace as your knitting does. You are in our thoughts.

Gina said...

Knitting, not only a peaceful and soothing craft, the community that develops around you as you knit...undeniably powerful.